“It’s not Me, It’s You.”

“Hi, it’s (insert name of your choice). I just thought the right thing to do would be to call you and tell you I met somebody else. Umm.. okay.”

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

Nothing quite matches the hurt brought on by the sting of rejection. By being told that someone else is better than you, so they chose that person over you.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

When your intuition comes ringing, it’s hard to ignore it. But to have it confirmed, it is the this bitter-sweet taste of being right that isn’t as wonderful as it usually is. Really, though.

Can you stop the spiral of negative self thought before it tangles you up? Can your ego handle the punch? How do you stop from falling, realizing that there is more to you than you were willing to show someone, and it’s their loss – not yours.

The immediate thought is that you’re not good enough. That you did something wrong. That your insecurities manifested your own demise? That the concerns you had about not being where you wanted to be at this age (but working toward it!) would somehow make someone see you as a lesser person. That being a kind, generous, loving person does not equate to a masters degrees, being poly lingual, and a six-figure income.

So let’s start by pouring a nice big glass of red wine, into my souvenir glass from a wine tasting on Vashon Island. Then do what I always do when I’m not sure what to do with all my feelings, write. And write I shall!

What I’ve learned this year is that regardless of how you feel, do your best not to react. Think about the situation, the person, and then do your best to compose yourself prior to opening your mouth (or laptop?). Approach the situation with a kind, thoughtful heart. Remember what you believe in, the good in people. I believe that people are inherently good, they do not choose to be malicious. Occasionally the things that they may say or do will hurt you, but you are in control of how you respond. Be kind and honest, regardless of how you feel. Because days, weeks, years from now when you are reflecting – you would like to be proud of how you responded during the situation.

“Every decision that you make is made out of fear, or out of love.” — yes, I’m quoting Oprah here. 

I choose the higher road. I will continue to choose the higher road. Because I believe in being kind to others. I also believe in standing up for what’s right and asserting myself in a graceful way.

“If you have to do that to someone else again… the nice thing to do is just tell them that you’re not connecting, do it sooner instead of drawing it out, and the last thing you should do if you’re trying to be nice is tell the girl you met someone better. I’m sure you can understand why that would hurt someone’s feelings.”

I am proud of how I handled the situation. I am confident in my ability to bounce back. I am resilient if nothing else. I am proud of my vulnerability and desire to be honest and upfront with what I’m looking for. There is no shame in being forward. There is no love without heartbreak. And there can be no happiness without getting familiar with pain.

Appreciate the rainy days, because without them – nothing would grow.

I know it’s a short post tonight, it was more for personal therapy than entertainment. I’ll spend some time next week putting together something else. But for now, this shall do!

 

Xo-Jack

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