Pretty Pretty Princess – BARF

“You just seem like a pretty pretty princess.”


Did someone really just use that sentence to describe me?

Or talk trash about me wearing makeup and doing my hair and dressing well?


No, really. STFU.

One of the things that excites me about this new job is the fact that I can go back to pampering myself and dolling myself up. That means victoria’s secret beach waves and a perfect cat eye.

I’ve always been into makeup, skin care, and hair products.

I mean, shit – my first job was at a hair salon…. I got started early.

I went through a period of time where it just wasn’t worth it to me. I don’t know if it’s because my self-esteem was in the gutter, or because I simply did not see the point since I was surrounded by animals all day. But there’s something about going into the office now that even on “jeans fridays” I still wear my Sam Edelman flats, tailored jeans, and a nice blouse.

I take a lot of pride in my appearance. Vain? sure, maybe a little. Have I been using sunscreen since I can remember, eye cream and wrinkle cream since my early twenties – you betcha. But what I can’t seem to wrap my head around is why other women feel the need to put me down for taking pride in my appearance.

I’ve determined it must come from low self-esteem.

Here me out.

K-11 I was literally the ugly ducking. I’m talking frizzy hair, acne, braces, and glasses. I was teased relentlessly. I suppose the beige Disneyland visor I wore for years to hide my acne didn’t help. Or the fact that my underwear was ALWAYS exposed – since you know, those SUPER low-rise jeans were totally the “in” thing.

I honestly feel bad for my parents. They probably looked at me and just went “where did we go wrong?” I remember my mom blind folding me for my 13th birthday and taking me to gene juarez for a makeover… Literally got my hair cut, foiled, ears pierced and makeup.

I felt pretty for the first time, ever.

But then guess what.

My parents got divorced and my dad totally checked out. He had no idea how to deal with a 14yr old girl. So my hair grew out – as did the foils. My 9th grade picture is the bane of my existence. My hair is 1/2 dark brown, 1/2 brassy – almost ORANGE, super frizzy and literally in the shape of a triangle. Add glasses, braces, and acne and you have one UGLY picture.

It wasn’t until I was 18 and got my second job (because the first job I had was literally only 2 days…) at New Attitude Salon & Supply that I started to learn about skin care and hair care.

I was hooked. My skin cleared up and I had finally figured out how to tame the mane. I found an incredible hair stylist who was a color genius, bought my first CHI flat iron and then…. I found Sephora.

I kid you not – I spent 1/2 my student loan at Sephora after paying tuition. I was addicted.

Since then I’ve been a total junkie when it comes to skin care, hair care, and makeup.

It’s basically a hobby at this point.

I really learned the tricks though when I toured as a dancer with a group that had a drag queen (Barbara Seville) and a burlesque dancer (The One and Only Inga – at the time, she was Inga Ingenue). Let the glitter fly baby.

Now that I’m a little bit older I’ve settled into a routine with my appearance. I know how to style my hair and how I like my makeup applied.

My go-to face wash is Philosophy Purity and I know whenever I try something new I always go back. But I’ll always try something new… because, I like I said, I’m a junkie.

So why do other women feel the need to put me (or other women) down for taking pride in their appearance?

Why do I have to defend the fact that yes – I apply $100s of dollars of cosmetics to my face on a daily basis. AND I LIKE IT.

  • Philosophy Purity Face Wash
  • Serum — currently I’m using Fresh Umbria Clay Mattifying serum
  • Moisturizer – currently using Cauladie Vino Perfect
  • Eye cream – Philosophy Renewed Hope in a Jar
  • Primer – Hourglass mineral veil
  • Contour stick – again, obsessed with Fenty Beauty
  • Blush – NARS
  • Highligher – NARS
  • Eye primer – Urban Decay
  • Brows – Anastasia dip brow OR brow wiz pencil
  • Eye shadow – recently I’ve been using the contour stick & highlighter on my brow bone
  • Eye liner – Tarte’s Maneater — for the PERFECT long wear cat eye that works with my SUPER sensitive eyes
  • Mascara – Tarte’s Lights, Camera, Lashes
  • Lips – I bounce between just a normal lip balm & then a layer of lipsense colors (God bless you, Cara!)
  • Setting Spray – I switch between the Fresh Rose Toner & Urban Decay’s De-Slick

Want to know the best part of this routine? It literally takes me between 5-10min to do. I’m sure you were thinking it was going to be more like 45min-1hour. NOPE!

I guess that’s why I get so defensive when someone thinks that I’m some super vain, beauty-obsessed girl. It’s annoying. My routine doesn’t take me forever and honestly, who the hell cares if it does. I’m not impacting your life AT ALL. It’s completely on you how you take it.

I’m just ranting because I suppose I view people who are obsessed with their looks tend to not be so bright. By bright, I mean smart – obviously they’ve got that highlighter down by now.

It’s not that hard to think before you speak. I get that we’re all entitled to our own opinions. I’m ALL for that. Be as opinionated as you want. I encourage you to form your own opinions. What I’m NOT a supporter of is when you open your mouth and judge someone based off of their appearance.

Take the time to get to know me instead of just jumping to the conclusion that I’m some “pretty pretty princess.”

As the saying goes.

You can judge me after you’ve walked a mile in my shoes.

Whether those shoes are 5″ heels, booties, cowgirl boots, Dansko clogs, Nike sneakers, or flip flops.

Just stop and be nice.


Until next time,



The Silver Lining

Every difficulty or setback that may cause harm, also has the potential for a benefit outcome.

I’m not an optimist.

I’m not a pessimist.

I’m a realist.

I believe that storms pass, things get better, and you should always prepare for the worst.

Expect the best. Always expect to overcome. Have faith things will get better.

Ruminating on negativity only breeds negativity. When you’re stuck in that vortex, only pain and disappointment can come from it.

Don’t be so naive not to reflect on your wrong-doings and mishaps. You will make mistakes, but it is your own misfortune and to your own detriment not to learn the lessons laid before you.

The saying “every cloud has a silver lining” is dated as far back as 1634 when John Milton wrote, “Was I deceived or did a sable cloud Turn forth her silver lining on the night?”

I once had a friend who told me that my intense nature to believe in the silver lining was almost irritating. I never wavered in my faith that things would get better, no matter how bad they got.

At first I was annoyed at their negative, pessimistic notation on my belief. Like my character was flawed because of this. Then I realized that I’m lucky to believe in things like this, with such fervor. Not everyone comes from the same place that I do, I can accept that – but it’s not my desire to push my faith and belief on others. I can’t help if they find my way of seeing things irritating, it’s just how I see them.

So if you’re one of the few I annoy with my outlook on life, sorry – not sorry.

But if you’re curious as to how I arrive at this conclusion, lets take a quick jog down the last 3 months. Shall we?

-I got fired from my job, one I actually felt secure in, after 2+ years, with no formal reason why. So, that rocked me pretty good.

-I spent the next few weeks applying to every job I could find, and got pretty much no response from anyone. So… there’s that.

-I decided to take it as a sign I was meant for more and needed to push myself out of my comfort zone. You know what they say, that’s where the magic happens.

-I contacted someone I knew through one of my jobs to work as a relief tech for their company, cause… girls gotta pay bills. After moving into my apartment (by myself), purchasing a new car, and having more output than input — I needed to find a way to change that quickly.

-I found a better opportunity through a former co-worker to come work relief at her clinic, where I was for the last 4 weeks. A place I made connections so quickly that were so genuine I couldn’t accept them as being real – It was almost too good to be true.

-A position I had applied for BEFORE I lost my job suddenly became available. This was outside of veterinary medicine. FAR out of my comfort zone. I interviewed.

-I was hired 10min into my interview, I think I had said maybe 5 words?

-I was anxious and uncomfortable after being offered the job. I swayed over whether or not to accept it. I was comfortable doing what I knew. Working in vet med, working as a relief tech, the schedule offered me the opportunity to make some serious cash and go to school as I pleased.

-I accepted the position and pushed out my start date as far as I could. I gave myself 4 weeks. My first day was 8/21/2017.

-The man I’d been dating who accept a position as a commercial pilot, who had a VERY small chance of returning to Seattle, ended up staying in Atlanta.

-I got stiffed by a client. Not a long-term client by any means, but a referral from someone I previously worked with. Not a good feeling, but I wasn’t going to sit and dwell on it. Move the hell on, girlfriend.

-During my first day of orientation I learned that the company I would be working for would have a tuition reimbursement benefit. Enough to completely cover the cost of my education to receive my RN. <– are you fucking kidding me?

-During my first day of orientation I learned that not only was I being given a great opportunity to make enough money to make sure my bills were paid — but I would also have LESS deductions to my paycheck than I previously had. My insurance would be subsidized significantly more than I was previously paying, the 401k match was significantly greater, and the opportunities were endless.

-The 3 months I spent unemployed provided me the necessary time to remember what was important to me, change my course, and get back on track.

-I was lucky enough to spend that time earning some cash in a VERY low-stress environment, while also being able to relax, clear my head and find my direction again. Find the courage to pursue my future and quit jogging in the fucking oatmeal.

-I spoiled myself rotten. I took self-care to a new level. I reminded myself that it’s okay to be good to yourself. That life isn’t necessarily ALL about saving every last penny for a rainy day, but that the rainy day had come and I needed to take care of myself and my soul.

-I cut 4-5″ off my hair, I also got a fresh new balayage. I booked an appointment to get sugared, because it makes me feel confident and beautiful. I got my nails and toes done – AND I took a girlfriend AND paid for hers. I dropped $1300+ on a new wardrobe for work after packing up the majority of the scrubs I’d been wearing for the last 7-8 years. It was time to grow.

-Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Well, the job I want will have me in scrubs again one day, but for now, I’m going to jump for joy at the beautiful shoes, slacks, blouses and jewelry I’ll get to wear in the meantime.

-I attempted to register for class only to be hit with a wall where my transcript hadn’t been loaded into my student file. Putting a delay on me getting into the class I want to take this fall. Annoying, but all I had to do was send a few e-mails.. and the sit and wait for their reply.

So… here we are. 10 days until my 30th birthday. I could sit and be sad because I won’t be spending it with my favorite people (majority of my close friends have moved away). I could be upset because I didn’t think my life would’ve turned out this way.


I could take the opportunity to reflect and be so grateful that I am where I am. That I am resilient and brave. That I always land on my feet. That I am doing better than ever and have more opportunity in front of me that I have ever had before. That I am still young. That I have a lot of life to yet live and I am going to kick ass at it.

30 will be the best year yet. It will come with change and confusion. It’ll make me uncomfortable. It’ll teach me lessons and remind me where I’m weak and where I’m strong. One of the greatest things my mother has ever told me, that will forever stick with me is.

“You are the braver version of me.”

I may take the scenic route. It may take me longer to figure out what I want and what I need. But I am not afraid of who I am. I am fiercely independent and will never fail as long as I recognize that as long as I’ve given it everything I have – even if I don’t succeed by someone else’s standard – I have not failed myself.


Until next time,